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RC8: Casablanca
RC8 | Supplemental
Casablanca
In early 1939, events converged in Morocco, Casablanca, an ancient city at the crossroads of Africa and Europe, controlled at the time by the Government of Occupied France, loyal to the Leonine Hegemony. The Bejeweled Cat of Zebulon was smuggled into the country in an overstuffed suitcase by Vinny Rabinowitz, an actor from Brooklyn. Ironically, he and world famous director Allen Konigsberg had been hired by the Hegemony to produce a movie "The Kaiser Goes to Rick's" which was supposed to glorify the Fuhrer's triumph over General Cornelius's guerilla insurgency in Northern Africa. As was common at the time, Konigsberg (travelling under the assumed name "Woody Allen") and his film crew travelled from Europe to Morocco in a Zepellin. For security reasons, not even Allen knew the whole plan -- the idea was for them to open a message from A. A. Milne during the trip -- of course, the Hegemony officers on the airship did not make this easy.
Zeppelins
Whrum-whrum. Whrum-whrum. The year is 1939, Europe is at war, and we’re in a Zeppelin, hanging like fleas on the belly of some giant ferret. A giant ferret with incredibly loud propellers, that is. Whrum-whrum. Whrum-whrum.
This particular bag of gas is hauling us south, from Lisbon in free Portugal to Casablanca in occupied Morocco. Yeah, that’s right-we’re headed into the Leonine Hegemony. Spy mission, or something like it, for the League of Nations Emergency Response. Oughta be a picnic. A picnic with jack-booted thugs and lotsa sand, anyway.
Our cover is that we’re making one of those new-fangled “movies.” That’s the thing they’re showing in all the burlesque houses these days. I don’t know exactly how it works, just some kinda deal where little etchings get made with one Pascal steam engine, and another puts ‘em up on a curtain later. Pretty neat stuff, except when the engines blow up. Ok, that’s pretty neat, too, as long as you’re not in the cheap seats when it happens.
Anyway, we’re supposed to be a United America film crew participating in a “cultural exchange program” with the Leonine Empire. What that really means, I bet, is they want to use us to make some propaganda for the Führer. Probably think that having it come from a neutral power makes it, ar-tis-tic-ally valid, like. Whatever. We’re really here to check out the Empire’s progress in North Africa, so that just means everyone has something to hide. ‘Cept for me and my monkey. Where’d that come from? Anyway, most of us don’t know anything about movies, so it’s a good thing we’ve got Allen and Thor along. Allen is what they call a “director.” The papers say he single-handedly validated movies as an art form with his first work, “Apocalypse in Paris.” The other guy is an actor who’s been in a lot of Allen’s pictures. Between the two of them, they can get the rest of us up to speed for some real movie-making and spying. Whrum-whrum. Whrum-whrum.
It’s about 11 o’clock on the night before we land in Casablanca. The cabin deck is mostly quiet, since the ship’s only half-full; most people are more interested in going from Casablanca to Lisbon, not the other way around. Most of the people on the Zep are Leonine Loyalists, especially that nosy Captain Klink. I get the impression he doesn’t exactly buy our cover story, but he hasn’t come out and said anything yet. There are a half-dozen businessmen, about twenty Leonine Troopers in addition to the ship’s crew of twenty five or so, and a trio of Occupied France officials being transferred to Rabat. I get the impression that they’re in a constant state of drunken near-rebellion against the Leonines, so they’re ok.
After a great deal of searching , committing unavoidable (heh) damage to the Zeppelin and solving a number of ingenious puzzles, Allen and his film crew managed to find a sealed box from Milne in Klink's office. The note explained the importance of the Ebony Owl of Evil and how the Bejeweled Cat of Zebulon could be used to find it:
My friends,
An historic opportunity approaches. The Scarlet Lion has not yet emerged from the time stream into which she escaped from Paris, but her formerly disembodied lieutenant Mylo labors to build an empire in anticipation of her return. In raising armies of the undead throughout Europe to do his bidding, he has nearly exhausted his personal powers. Now, he struggles to maintain control of the host that he inhabits.
As a result, he seeks an ancient item lost to him on an earlier visit to Earth in 1539 -- and I can explain some of this later to those of you unfamiliar with time travel but please let us skip it for the moment -- which if recovered will seal the fate of Europe. This item, in the form of an Ebony Owl, is imbued with a large portion of Mylo's own spiritual power, and was designed as a golem-like familiar to the evil wizard. The Owl, thought for some time permanently lost, has been spotted near Casablanca. If Mylo regains it Europe will be under Mylo's heel when the Scarlet Lion does arrive. The remainder of the world will collapse in short order.
I'm sure you can see where this is going: powerful evil wizard pours much of self into object, loses said object, seeks to reclaim object, attempts to rule world, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I think you know what to do, but don't worry. No need to trudge for miles over wasteland and drop the damn thing in a volcano. All you have to do is get the Owl within about, oh, let's say about 100 meters of Mylo (or, as the Leonines are calling him, der Fuhrer). The owl will sense its master and activate, spreading its wings to fly. That's your cue to strike: once it comes alive it is vulnerable. Destroy it and you shatter Mylo's Will.. When the Scarlet Lion finally arrives, she will have no empire to rule and no Army of Darkness to support her. And, I wouldn't want to be in Mylo's shoes if that happened.
Thus, I have sent you a useful toy. In this box is the Bejeweled Cat of Zebulon, symbol of the Kings of that world -- again, let's not deal with the issue of other worlds, just hold your questions for now. DO NOT LOSE OR BREAK THE CAT. It has already been lost once by couriers sent to lend it to United America. Its recovery was costly, so take good care of it.
The cat has five functions:
- To open and shut the Pyramids of Zebulon. Clearly, this function is of limited value in the current crisis.
- It will function as a magical public address system (Woody, please explain the concept of a PA to those who grew up without electricity), amplifying anything said within five feet of it for about three-and-a-half minutes. During this time, the charisma of anyone using the cat will increase dramatically.
- When activated in a building, it can automatically transport itself and its user unseen out of the building, whilst announcing said departure in the building.
- The cat can summon fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches in great quantities. Don't ask.
- Here's the important bit: the cat can indicate the direction in which the greatest amount of evil spiritual energy lays (well, plus or minus 45 degrees). In Casablanca tomorrow, the magical energy of the Owl will overshadow all other evil.
So, use the Cat to find the Owl. There's only one problem: the late lamented couriers had the user's manual. Through a clever bit of divination, I've been able to determine the Cat's five command phrases, but cannot match them to functions. There's no time to contact Zebulon for a replacement manual (and tech support there would probably just assume the Cat's a crack anyway), so you'll just have to experiment. Be careful, though; the thing only has nine charges before it needs to revisit Zebulon to energize, so don't use up all its power before you find the Owl.
The five phrases are:
- Don't be cruel
- Hail to the King, Baby!
- White sequined Jumpsuit
- Uh-huh
- Some kinda Bubba Ho-Tep?
Best of luck.
-A.A. Milne
The film crew escaped on a DiVinci-inspired 'copter and landed in Morocco. The zeppelin landed several kilometers to the North in the Mediterranean Sea, a giant ball of flame.
Zombies
Meanwhile, the King Arthur and his Zombie Knights of the Round Table stirred to life in ancient catacombs, far beneath the dusty streets of Casablanca:
Y'all awaken with a start in the darkness. Your innate undead senses tell you that you've been unconscious a little more than forty years; your last period of activity was that incident in Paris in 1890. Ah, Paris...nasty bit of work, that was. You awoke, sure that you had finally heard the horn summoning you to defend England in her hour of greatest need. Staggering out of the crypt, though, all you saw was some evil sorceress biddy trying to turn part of the city into an intergalactic signal fire. In the end, you all agreed that it was probably not the Horn Of England's Need after all but just Galahad's gas again.
Still, the encounter was not a complete loss. Inside the sorceress' circle of power you noted a fellow traveler on the roads of justice, a foreign knight of strange, yellow, fluffy countenance. He clearly struggled with some inner demon, perhaps a charm of possession cast by the red magic woman. The knight's followers, caught outside the circle of power, struggled in vain to reach their master and assist him. You joined in the battle on the side of the knight and his friends, and the day was won. The witch was banished to the future; the knight and his followers pursued her through arcane means. As is your wont, you spent the next several months wandering the land perpetrating creepy acts of kindness and justice before once again returning to a cold, watchful slumber.
As your joints begin to unfreeze, you blink away the remnants of a dream sent by Mirlyne. In the dream, two of the strange foreign knight's companions
Sometimes, you really wish Mirlyne would lay off the pipeweed. Anyway, it's dark, but as most of you are living dead, you are not too worried about Grues.
Taunted by a vampiric lap dog, Count Lazlo, the Zombies shambled and clubbed their way past traps, locks and logic puzzles until they emerged from the vault area. Above the vaults was a vast zombification factory, churning out undead soldiers for the Leonine Hegemony. A little salt, a few bombs and a great deal of automatic gun fire later, the Zombies left the facility a smouldering pit.
The Furher's Big Scene
Per Milne's plan, the Zombies and Allen's team converged at a hotel near the Zepport. The Zombies seemlessly integrated into Allen's film crew and the combined team set out to triangulate the location of the Ebony Owl of Evil. The pace accelerated when news arrived that the Fuhrer's train would arrive in Casablanca the next day.
After a hunt that took them all over the city, they locate the ancient artifact in a locker at the Casablanca Train Station. Just as the Ebony Owl of Evil was recovered, the Fuhrer's train pulled into station. Landmines placed by the Zombies derailed the locomotive, filling the station with steam and smoke. As the Owl came to life and flew to its evil master, it was destroyed by the combined firepower of Allen's film crew and the zombies. After a long battle, the tide was swinging in favor of the LONER team.
Just when Mylo appeared defeated, he sneered and broke his staff over his knee. The air crackled with electrical energy and an iradescent dome formed around him briefly, and then faded.
I have had enough! I have followed the Scarlet Lion, fought for her, and on occasion died for her! I will not allow a sorry band of shambling misfits from a sorry-ass two-bit backwater world to ruin our plans. We have fought for too long, too hard… We will conquer this planet as a first step to taking back Zebulon, and then onward to the Scarlet Lion’s rightful Throne on Lysithia! I will rule this system with an iron hand, and THEN you will ALL know my justice! You will see the Glorious Mylo, the Lieutenant of the Scarlet Lion, her most trusted…
When Mylo gets into this kind of rant, he is likely to go on for quite a while...however, he was interrupted by floating red alien script which floated in the air above his head. A disembodied voice rang out, even above the sound of the collapsing railway platforms, exploding steam engines and the distant sound of Cornelius's underground troops liberating Morocco: "INCOMING TRANSTEMPORAL MESSAGE FROM SCARLET LION". A transluscent image of the Scarlet Lion herself appeared in front of Mylo.
Mylo, I assume this message does not reach you an inopportune time. The wake resulting from the Paris Temporal Rift is subsiding, and I will be joining your time line in your near future. Given the state of affairs in 1890, I assume that even you have had ample time to subdue the planet and organize a space fleet to invade Zebulon. Assuming you can handle it, I will need at least five hundred million undead warriors trained and ready to go the moment I arrive. Make sure that the palace has been cleaned and that my red sequined dresses have been pressed and fluffed -- see to it yourself. In the past you have been an adequate but not inspiring functionary. See to it that I am not disappointed by your dullard skills this time, or you will be my breakfast. Unlike your previous failures -- the Revolution, Zebulon, Paris… maybe you can get it right this time!
Screaming with rage, Mylo whipped out a salad fork and let loose a mixture of fire and electricity at her image. A reddish flash filled the otherwise invisible hemisphere around the Fuhrer. The heat was felt for hundreds of yards. For a split second before the fireball, it looked like Mylo realized what would happen, and then suddenly the rage was replaced by composure and acceptance. Only a pile of ash remained.